Everyday. Everyday it's the same. Same walk to class. Same friends. Same conversations. Same abuse being hurled.
It's not like it ever really bothered me. It still doesn't really. Not exactly anyway. I'll get by.
I'm continuing my walk.
"Get a haircut."
Mmm, original.
"Wide-load."
Said the pot-to-the-kettle. No?
Regardless, of what I say, or don't say, it will all continue. I'm not breaking stride.
Maybe you think this is running?
Who's running?
It follows me on the walk home too. I usually put on my headphones if I'm alone, but it's still there and I know it is. Some days I can't hear it, to be fair. Sometimes it's not there too, I guess. It doesn't really matter though because whether or not it's there, then, it always comes back. Sooner or later, it will be just as loud as ever and my walk will be the same once more.
It can even find me at work sometimes, or when I'm at home, reverberating in my mind.
There never seems to be any respite. The abuse never gives in.
I won't either. There's no point.
I cut my hair and then my glasses are the issue. I lose my excess weight and my stupid, raggy clothes are the joke now. It's all a vicious circle. The simple, harsh truth is that, no matter what I do there will always be something that makes me stand out for the 'wrong' reasons that eclipses the 'right' reasons. No matter how old I get, however wise, however wealthy. THERE. IS. ALWAYS. SOMETHING.
Should I turn and face it? Maybe there's something, no, anything I can latch onto and give some of my own back? I'm a smart guy, I can make some mean observations, right? Sure, I'll be just as bad as they are, but it's time to fight fire with fire.
It's a good idea, but that won't work in this case, unfortunately. I don't need to turn around.
It's all me. All of it.
I'm this cruel critic, assisted by a touch of depression.
It's a strange illness. Disease? I don't think so, but then I'm lucky. I'm able to keep walking.
That buzzing, vile voice in my head won't stop me walking, yet my walking won't stop it.
The vicious circle spins once more.
Fighting fire with fire is all well and good, but that's how you start an inferno. You fight fire with water, and while you may not have enough to put the fire out fully, you can keep it at bay.
In this life, we never really live, we survive.
It's important that you remember that when the darkness is setting in and the light can't break through just yet. The sun will always rise. Make sure you see it. A new day will dawn and it might just bring with it a new outlook.
If it doesn't, don't stop walking. You'll get there eventually.
